Hello Mother Earth,
My name is Human.
I want to acknowledge my neglect and irresponsibility in our relationship. I fear trusting the reality of my dependence on you. I've discounted your impact on me - I've rejected the power of your ability to care for me. I tell myself I have the power to choose whether to support you or destroy you. But in fact, my power is in choosing whether to let you support me or not. In rejecting your support, I destroy myself.
Because of my arrogance, I ignore your significance in my life. Thus, I have been ignorant to your powerful desire to support me. I am destroying myself by rejecting the power of your love for me. From your perspective, I may appear oblivious to so many important aspects of our relationship. I am not oblivious. I am stubborn and afraid. I fear your power ...
My power impacts you; but not in the way I wish. I impact you, but I cannot destroy you. I can only destroy your ability to support me. I need you in order to survive. My arrogance refuses to believe I need you. I lie to myself, saying you need me.
The only benefit you get from our relationship is the experience of loving me and supporting me. When I interrupt your ability to support me, you love me still. Your love is your joy. You wait, knowing I will eventually accept reality - the reality that I must receive your gifts of love. One day, when I embrace your gifts to me, I will be nourished in full. But for now, I have chosen fear.
I fear trusting you - and so I steal from you. I tell myself you don't have enough for me - that your slow and steady giving will bring me scarcity. I tell myself your supply is limited - and so I squeeze from you what is not mine to take. My doubt and fear limit your ability to give me the steady abundance you have waiting for me. I am a child, demanding more than my hands can hold. I hoard what appears as 'extra', keeping it from segments of myself, reinforcing the belief in scarcity. My belief in scarcity is the lens through which I see you. I worship this belief. I fear being in need and without resources. My faith in fear is so foolish.
"Determine what God has given you, and take from it what you need;
the remainder is needed by others."
When you don't serve me as I want and expect, I decide you have/are a problem. I diagnose what is 'wrong' with you. I try to control and change you - in the name of 'problem solving'.
Greed tells me I must achieve power over you. Greed creates a false sense of power...this is futile and discouraging. Greed expands my illusion of needing more than I have, limiting my ability to receive your nourishment... increasing the power of my fear. I think I must steal from you in order to survive. I steal what is toxic to my body, proving the stupidity of greed. Help me! Fear is suffocating and destroying my members.
"There's one fundamental law that all of nature obeys that mankind breaks everyday. Now this is a law that's evolved over billions of years and the law is this: nothing in nature takes more than it needs. A redwood tree doesn't take all of the soil's nutrients, just what it needs to grow. A lion doesn't kill every gazelle, just one. We have a term for something in the body when it takes more than its share. We call it cancer."
I attempt to increase my power by claiming ownership and control...but they are like a boomerang of destruction against me. Will I ever have the power to make you supply the demands of my greed? I refuse to believe it is me who needs to change. I blame you.
Refusing to learn and grow, I forfeit my own growth and demand it of you. But you are infinite; and I am ignorant.
I am afraid to learn and change. Change and growth are uncomfortable; and I demand comfort. I misunderstand my discomfort, thinking it is an indicator of danger. I avoid discomfort...even the discomfort of advantageous change. I avoid the discomfort of humility and honesty. Blinding myself from the truth of our relationship, and your wisdom and care for me, I end up creating the danger I feared - not connecting with the resources you freely offer. I blame you for this, thus forfeiting my power to change myself and receive the resources you lovingly provide in the moderation that is best for me.
I fight within myself...my fear battling against trust and confidence, my greed wanting to control you. I refuse to find harmony within - it would require me to give up my fear, embrace my vulnerability, and respect your power. As time passes, I dance around the truth, create chaos, and increase fear. I see our relationship through eyes of greed. If I put down my greed, my love could shine on you, and I would see you clearly. Love would be my awareness, bringing order to my chaos. Why do I refuse to see the truth?
Do I really want to escape this internal conflict? It would require humility, integrity, more freedom, and thus more responsibility. Growth could be the outcome of my struggle...the greatest lessons can be learned in the greatest storms. Why do I refuse to grow??
I lie, telling myself we are separate, telling myself I control you. My dependence on these lies requires more lies. Eventually I believe my lies. My lies tell me I have to have answers, and I have to know how to control you.
I have not allowed myself to access honest information; and so my choices limit your ability to nourish my growth. Lies accuse me of ignorance; rather than admitting my wisdom is hidden in fear. Deep inside, I know the truth - I am not ignorant. But I fabricate more lies in this futile effort to hide myself from the truth of our relationship. I want the lies to save me...but they blind me from the truth my heart knows will save me. My heart is brilliant and wise; but living in this web of lies is blinding me from what I know. The lie is we are separate. The truth is we are connected, and I am dependent on your gifts. What will it take to make me admit the truth?
If I live in the Truth of our relationship, I must take responsibility for my power and my decisions - I could no longer blame you; and that scares me! Is the uncomfortable Truth of our relationship worth it - the humility, tenderness, honesty, and VULNERABILITY - even if it saves my life???
I am trying to learn who I am, and how I fit onto your beautiful body. Am I jealous of your beauty, and your seeming power over me? Power can only last when it is the power of love. The power of your love can only exist where it is allowed to flow. This requires me to receive from the perfect flow of your abundant resources for me; not to demand and steal from you what is not best for me.
I do not understand your infinite love and wisdom. I can define 'infinite', but my brain does not comprehend it. I am so afraid to admit this - and so I hide from your love and your answers. I would rather say, "I know more than you," than admit, "I have to learn from you".
In my heart, I know I am more than my brain tells me I am. The truth is I am capable of what my brain cannot fathom. I have the power to change myself and the world around me. This truth opens me up to mind boggling responsibility. This is terrifying! I want to believe my lies...they require no responsibility on my part, other than to steal from you for my desires.
When my hands are full of what I have stolen, you cannot fill my hands with the loving resources you so richly offer. My thievery will eventually deplete your body of what is not mine. I will look to what I have done, and see my hands are full of what I cannot use. Full hands cannot receive. Any addict knows relying on what is unhealthy obstructs the ability to receive what is healthy. I am an addict, dependent on my lies. An addict must have a scapegoat. You are my scapegoat. When my hands are full of stolen loot - too full to receive your resources - I can declare my lie: "It is your fault".
Ironically, I fear homelessness. You are my Garden of Eden, my mansion in the sky. The question is whether I will accept you as my home, or use you as my tool to feed my greed. This greed is insanity!
"Live simply, so others may simply live."
My Human-centric story of history goes in circles. Has this happened before? Am I repeating my own history? Isn't that a waste of my time?
We flow together in the circle of time. Time gives us the opportunity to enrich our relationship with love. Time assists my understanding of myself and my role in your paradise. But how am I suppose to know where I fit into this massive scope of your history? I want history to be about me, not about you...
Creation formed my body from your body. You give me infinite blessings - I don't understand this. You know the harmony of our hearts creating a world together in unity. I am trying to use my logical brain to understand your abundance. How crazy is that, when I have infinite wisdom in my heart to understand? In exceptional moments, when I operate from my heart, I join you in Love's creation of life. When we create together, there is nothing better.
Can I find the courage to let go of my greed, in order to care for you as you care for me? You are my Mother; you show me how to love you; help me pay attention... My body came from yours - The wisdom of your life is in my life. But my life feels buried in my fear. Fear obstructs my courage to know the inherent wisdom that comes in being alive. God breathed life into me...Divine breath, to create my life...
Are you paying attention? I use you, fearing you are limited and may disappear. Why are you letting me hurt you? Please stop me from destroying myself! You simply wait patiently with compassion and understanding...waiting for me to know myself, waiting for me to understand the joy of being in harmony with you. Your love lives forever. Mine will too, when I love you as you love me. You will never leave me, because I am a part of you. My heart is infinite with yours, as we are drops of love in the infinite ocean of Divine Creation.
It is only in our unity that you can fully give to me. Love is the bonding agent overriding any appearance of division. Love creates and multiplies for all.
I would ask your forgiveness; yet somehow you see me as perfect. Your unconditional love makes no sense to my limited logical brain. But the love in my heart understands.
My brilliant heart says 'thank you for knowing I am a part of you'. Thank you for surrounding me and supporting me. Thank you for not ever giving yourself the option to stop teaching me about us. I do love you - I really do!
I want you to write back, but I am afraid of what you will say. Yet I know that anything you say will be said in love, for my protection and benefit.
Maybe one day I will open the letters you've already sent to me...there are so, so many.