Choosing Intentions, Thoughts, and Emotions to Best Drive Your Expressions
The following information is a section taken from the page "Communication Skills Parts 2".
The way you express yourself teaches the world who you are. This expression has a major impact on the quality of your connections with others. Quality connections create productive discussions, resolutions, relationship patterns, and more. Destructive connections create destructive outcomes (e.g. misunderstandings, arguments, fractured relationships, unhealthy patterns). Take an inventory of your intentions, thoughts, and emotions. Intend to express yourself in ways that promote mutually beneficial connections. Choose goals aligned with healthy connections.
Your thoughts about another person (their actions, words, appearance, demographics, etc) determine how you interact with him/her. If your thoughts of others come from your love, self-control, and self-confidence, you will tend to interact in ways that create a sense of satisfaction and purpose. However, if you choose thoughts that produce fear, opposition, or anxiety in you, your interactions will most likely reflect this and create a sense of less control in the situation.
In order to have thoughts and emotions that create healthy interactions, intend to see others through eyes of love. Know they too desire to be in loving, healthy, productive connections. If the other person does not appear loving, think of their love as hidden (by fear, resentment, confusion, etc). Connect to your sense of internal peace (despite the level of chaos in the environment). Your emotions are dependent on your perspective (thoughts, attitudes, and judgments) and your ability to connect with internal peace. Choose thoughts of self confidence, and self control; choose thoughts of love for yourself and the other person. Then connect with the other person to the degree you are able to extend loving intentions. Your ability to extend love does not depend on the other's ability to reciprocate. Your ability to extend love depends on your ability to anchor your expression in loving intentions for connection.
What was said to the rose that made it open was said
to me here in my chest.
Focusing on your responsibilities in the communication (e.g. honesty, assertiveness, reason, productivity) brings you confidence and clarity. However, if you focus on what you cannot control (e.g. the other's attitude, perspective, judgment, mood, honesty), you may miss out on potential opportunity for a constructive interaction.
You are responsible for how you see the world (your perspective) and your attitude towards it. These responsibilities have an enormous influence on your interactions. Practice the following recommendations:
- Look for peace and unity: you will find it, even when others do not. Expose it through your interactions and example (e.g. through anecdotal information and through your style of interacting). Value compassion, honesty, confidence, assertiveness, and peace for healthier, stronger, more honest connections - despite challenging interactions.
- Work to understand the other's situation and reasoning. You will have more information in the exchange.
- If you judge the other, and are not open to understanding his/her reasoning, you will have a faulty understanding of the information being expressed to you. This can leave you feeling confused, alone, and/or separate.
- Do not spend energy trying to control the thoughts of someone who does not want your perspective, even if you believe you know what is best for him/her. Be careful - what you try to control can control you.
- Reason and peace are more powerful than aggression and confusion. If you do not accept this, you will fear the aggression and confusion of others. Fear can limit and control you, often leading to a self fulfilling prophesy. Your fear can fuel aggression and confusion in your own expression.
- Connect with your internal sense of peace by releasing unhealthy attitudes (blame, resentment, judgment, etc.). If you hold onto thoughts of being harmed or not loved in ways you desire, you block your own sense of peace. Even if you must create boundaries to maintain your safety (physical or emotional), your heart can hold deep love for the other.
- Intend to accept yourself as you are - and as you grow. Discover and embrace encouraging beliefs about yourself. As you learn about your unique identity, free of judgment and measurement, you discover your healthy/true self. As your identity unfolds, your self expression connects you to others in ways that are supportive and empowering. You will create the relationships you desire.